 |
| "I've got gas." |
Can you imagine the funeral of a man so compelling that, a
millennium after his birth, anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of world history
has heard of him?
No, I don’t believe you can.
Before we get to that, let me explain that William was a
product of an affair between the Duke of Normandy and a woman named Herleva. He
was initially called William the Bastard for that reason, but as time went on,
I’m sure it took on a more modern meaning.
He was a cruel S.O.B. In one town, people hung up pelts
as a way of ridiculing his maternal grandfather, a tanner. William had their hands
and feet cut off. Needless to say, William maintained his rule by fear rather
than any deep-rooted respect.
Also, he struggled with his weight, another motive for
ridicule (behind his back, if you treasured your extremities). King Philip of
France said he looked like a woman about to give birth.
His stomach hung over his saddle which, ironically, led
to his death. While riding, he was thrown against the pommel of his saddle and
his organs were ruptured. He died some weeks later.
While awaiting death, he tried to make amends for his
many sins. Yet, at the end, all his “entourage,” be they relatives or friends,
took off to protect their own interests. All his worldly goods were stolen,
including his clothes. One lowly knight was left behind to transport his body
to Caen where William was to be be interred.
There, after some Benedictines took responsibility for
the body, a fire broke out. Most of the mourners left to extinguish it. A few
monks were left to put his large corpse into a small casket. And that’s when it
happened.
According to Orderic, a chronicler of the time, "the
swollen bowels burst, and an intolerable stench assailed the nostrils of the
by-standers and the whole crowd." They don’t make incense strong enough
for that.
After a very
few
words quickly spoken by those who’d courageously remained in the chapel, a man
called out that William had stolen that very land from him years before and he
refused to let the “Bastard” be buried there. The bishop had to shut him up
with a payment of sixty shillings.
Over the centuries, William’s bones were stolen and only one
thigh bone was returned. That last relic lies in his grave, covered by a stone
slab. One epitaph reads, "He who was earlier a powerful king, and lord of
many a land, he had nothing of any land but a seven-foot measure; and he who
was at times clothed with gold and with jewels, he lay then covered over with
earth."
… the Harder They Fallhttp://www.history.com/news/10-things-you-didnt-know-about-william-the-conqueror
http://www.sacred-texts.com/etc/fcod/fcod14.htm
